LOVE IN THE TIME OF BULLET TRAINS

The world today exists in simultaneity.
I am expected to know what is happening in the farthest, most remote part of the world. I need to know when the satellite is launched and the space between planets and starts are of less significance than before. I have to keep pace with the fast moving stock market and brace myself against the ticking of the clock.

Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock.

The world has moved on to a new president, to a new disaster, to new stars and planets. And i stand here, expected to move forward. Not let myself be swept away in the maze but control the uncontrollable, the unpredictable force of these changes. To control the charged bull huffing and rushing towards the red mark; the target only visible to the wild creature i am precariously seated on- not out of will; but still, as necessary as the air that i can no longer feel. I cannot be swept away by the storm. I need to be, and more importantly, I am expected to be in control of my boat, my plane, my bullet train.

He stands there -still, silent, permanent. Waiting for me.

I don't see him in the crowd- all of us rushing towards the office, the apartment we call home, the grocery store, the movie, the salon, the protest march. All of us not knowing what we expect of life, what we need to give it, what we are doing- but still knowing, collectively, what is expected of us- to move as fast as we can , to reach that pre-decided destination.
A second passed. Tick-
 a bomb-blast somewhere.a 100-crore movie released.a women raped.a new president elected.a queer beaten.a cricket match won.a child died of hunger.a 70 year old women wrote her first word.

and we move on as fast as we can to the next second before the clock strikes- Tock. 

He still stands there. He waits for me to see him. He stands in front of me and yet i unsee him. He is not expected, so i have no reason to see who is standing right in front of me. I am expected to ignore the unnecessary, the insignificant.
I rush towards the bullet train, to reach my destination as soon as i can. I need to reach there soon so that i can leave and reach the next destination as soon as possible, so that the next stop is not missed. Its a never ending cycle of movement, of destinations and i cannot lose control by slowing down, by seeing what is extraneous to my defined being.

He sits there, beside me, in the train. Still and permanent. Not human. Waiting for me to notice his existence.

He is a sweet boy with a crooked nose. He is an old man with broken teeth. He is a musician, always humming, always smiling, always still. He is the love of my life and i cannot see him. He steps into the bullet train with me, watching me, waiting for me to notice him. And i cannot see him.

Tick Tock

The train reaches the next stop and i run along with the crowd, down the platform, to my...home. Only to get ready for the next minute.

The world exists in simultaneity. I have to be everywhere for me to exists somewhere.
He is now a middle-aged man sitting there, eating a sandwich, enjoying the scenery from the fast moving bullet train.
And I cannot see him.