Marriage: A way to a better life?

I recently had a disturbing conversation that led me to think if Marriage is still a way for women to "get" a better life? There was a time when marriage was the only way for women to get away from strict parental control and have their own household. I always thought that this was pretty stupid of us- considering that no matter how far we run, this is only a way of changing handlers- control goes from parents to the husband and In-Laws. However, to an extent it made sense- if you are poor, try getting married into a better social circle and perhaps, you will be granted certain liberties that were denied earlier. Has the situation changed today?

I am not denying Love- not now, not then. But to believe that Love is  not a calculated endeavor, even subconsciously determined by cultural perceptions and personal tastes- would be deceptive. However, Love today has a much wider opportunity to flourish- with open minds and care-free hearts. Marriage is an even more strategic move. Its hard to generalise this for all women in the country- but we do subconsciously try to find a man who is intellectually and monetarily in a better situation than us, or at least equal. For men though, I don't think this is their determining criteria for their life-partners- perhaps families still focus on Looks, Family background etc and then salary- which is mostly less than what the guy earns. The man being the bread-winner is heavily entrenched- in our patterns of Love-Arranged marriages.

I can hardly deny my own case- I have always been attracted to men who are technically sound- maybe cos i am not. My marriage has not brought me a "better" life- perhaps a different one, but with better access to certain opportunities. The procedure of 'choosing' a list of guys in an arranged marriage set-up is done by parents who want the best- better than the present- for their daughter.

Its hard to conclude. I think that if a women has had a proper education and is gainfully employed, in a situation where she does not need a man (at least monetarily, if not emotionally)- getting married to a man with better prospects is perhaps a financially-sound, rational decision. It gives both a 'better' life. However, if this situation does not tick the criteria, it might on the surface seem that the women has gained- but keep in mind, the man also chooses and again, i wonder if the majority have fallen in the same disillusionment as our ancestors- just a change of handlers and illusion of a better life. 

Marriage and all the patriarchy

Reading the Title of this blog and my previous posts, any ardent reader of my 'work' (someone out there can validate my over-inflated self-perception?) would assume that this is going to be a long post about how marriage is a patriarchal institution and love merely an illusion, pushing us towards the accepting permanent gender performative roles.Man, actually that does sound like a great idea for a blog and totally resonates with what i am going through right now.
I got married! yeah, it's not to someone i have loved for the past few years or whatever- i chose the traditional path of an arranged marriage-  my parents choosing guys off the internet (sounds creepy but  well, it was!) and then making me talk to them, or meet them in a weird twist of roles (IRONIC, i might say, considering that us girls are supposed to never even look at a guy before- but such is the way of us Indians). 

Life is strange. I was told by my family astrologer that i would end up married by April 2018 and as any independent, logical women of the 21st century - i scoffed at this prediction. Foremost because i had no intention of getting married then (this was around July, 2017), But here i am, married (somewhat happily?) and now what do i know? Do our stars actually align in a way that such predictions can be made?  Or is it because the astrologer said so, that my parents put in all their effort to find someone; considering the threat he implied that if i don't get married by April- the 'shubh mangal' will return after 2 years.
Long long story (maybe for another blog entry) short, I did get married. I do love the guy. He is decent enough (man, i hope he never reads this description :p) Rest assured, that from a love point of view, i will hold my judgement for now.

But marriage is so bloody different from love. Its everything i dreaded and everything i dreamed of. I am still struggling in the job and academic aspect of my life and that obviously means i am at home the entire day. The in-laws have also visited. The thing is though that there is a reason theory is sometimes just that- theoretical. As a well-read feminist, i already know the patriarchal underpinnings of most arguments and division of labour that takes place in my new household. How does one handle it? Do i fight it and make it an issue? What is ultimately good for mental peace?

RESPONSIBLE CHOICES AND POLITICAL OUTCOMES

IN REFERENCE TO KEJRIWAL's ANNUAL REPORT CARD:

How does it make sense to subsidize already scarce resources like water? Isn't it more important to ensure that there is no wastage that results to shortfall and ensure accessibility? And if you do decide to subsidize electricity and water, why is that your *top achievement*?
 Subsidy is not charity, or a patronage to be given by a political leader or a party to the people. This kind of governance makes citizens passive; as if we have to be thankful for such interventions.
Also, odd-even plan- celebrate its success because it reduced pollution or reduced congestion? Because the former is worth celebrating; the latter just shows poor future infrastructure planning.

Man, but this year is making me question all my political voting choices.

A THOUGHT BLURTED OUT.

So since i am a JNU student, a lot of my friends call me up to know what's really going on ,another person comes and asks me about how i feel about the 'JNU controversy' ;and instead of going into arguments and politics of it this time, i just blurt out the truth- "i am scared....and disillusioned"
10 second pause
caller- "scared...for your safety?"
me- "no..scared for my beliefs, my judgments, my grounding. I mean this is a government i never fully believed in but i still voted for, hoping to prove something wrong. Like i believed that the liberal democratic state of the country and our institutions are too strong for a mere government to really cause any real damage. It's not the 70's . We have a media that is supposed to be on people's side, atleast the side of an unbiased. But the more deeper the issue gets, the dirtier and more dangerous side of the power of the government and media is exposed.

Truthfully, if i have to measure how scared i am- i would say, i am just more, more...like my beliefs are not the same...more than when i had read Foucault for the first time. and man, did Foucault fuck my head. But this seems worse, because it's so real."

AAKROSH: THE CRY OF THE WOUNDED (1980)

I have never done a Movie analysis. So when my Professor gave us a movie to 'intellectualize', i was stumped. However, writing academic semi-intellectual bull after 5 years of Political Science comes naturally to me. A brief summary of my paper:

PLOT:

The Movie- Aakrosh begins with a powerful imagery of an old Lawyer/Judge hesitating to touch the strong waves of the sea while a young lawyer takes the plunge. It makes the viewer’s hope for an upcoming New Wave- a new generation that would perhaps challenge the old, repetitive cycle of oppression.

The Movie puts forward the protagonist, Lahanya Bhikhu (played by Om Puri), an Adivasi who is accused of brutally assaulting and murdering his wife, Nagi Bhikhu (played by Smita Patil).  The silent and loud emotions of Lahanya in different circumstances are shown without him saying a single word’ but depicted through flashbacks or are visible through the stark emotions behind his silent façade.
Bhaskar Kulkarni (played by Nassaruddin Shah) comes in as an advocate for Lahanya’s defence. This case is crucial to him as it’s his first case as an independent law practitioner and that too against his mentor, Dusane. Kulkarni is shown as an ‘Idealist; - one who strong believes in the power of law to meat out justice irrespective of ones place in society. He has strong ideas of conscience, truth and justice.
Dusane, the public prosecutor in the case (played by Amresh Puri) is a well-connected and well-known lawyer. He is shown to frequent the local clubhouse where the power-elites come together to play cards- the Local M.L.A, the forest contractor, civil surgeon, DSP etc. They talk about contemporary issues of politics such as the growing Naxal problem in the area. It is hinted that they are concerned about this specific case.
Bhaskar initially confronts Lahanya with his pre-conceived notions of tribal nature and asks questions on the assumption that he is guilty of the crime. However, frustrated with the enigmatic silence and the non-cooperation of Lahanya in formulating his own defence strategy, he independently decides to investigate the sequence of events of the day the crime took place. He visits Lahanyas family that is survived by his ailing father, his sister and an infant. However, the neighbours refuse to answer his questions and the ailing father only shouts in an increasingly agitated voice , asking him to go away- “Jao yahan se, Jao”.  It is hinted that the silence of the family and locality is coerced by the forest contractors and his allies.
Bhaskar also meets a mysterious guy, adorned in a short kurta and a jhola. The fellow claims that he is working among the tribals, to awaken them and bring them together., When Bhaskar calls him a ‘social worker’ , he mocks the term as elitist and fashionable given by the petty bourgeoisie.
Lahanyas feelings of horror and grief, in the course of the trial, is depicted through his facial expressions. Bhaskar is also attacked many times in this period for his association with the case. He comes to know that Lahanya is an innocent in the crime who is paying for his resistance against the orders of the Forest Contractor and as a result, his wife was raped and killed.
When Lahanyas father dies, he is allowed to perform the last rites where we are shown the tormented and conflicted look on his face as he looks at his sister, who is now alone in the world and perhaps more vulnerable to the predatory gaze of the forest contractor and his allies. Perhaps realizing this, Lahanya snatches an axe and chops off his sisters head. His animalistic scream of anguish and ‘aakrosh’ stuns the viewer.

ANALYSIS:

• LAW AND JUSTICE
  The movie successfully portrays the dis-junction between ‘law’ as written down in the constitution;the ideals and values it symbolically upholds and the real social position of advantage/disadvantage that people occupy in society that makes their relationship with these state institutions relative. Rational Legal procedures may not necessarily lead to a ‘free and fair’ trial and thus most often, obscures justice. The court trial was a farce where the witness and medical examiners testimonies, silence of the neighbours and other tribal workers were either bought or coerced by the powerful and wealthy perpetrators. In a Liberal-democratic state that upholds the values of a rationalistic institutional framework, the ‘evidence’ has no holding power if it can so easily be bought and manipulated by the nexus of power and wealth, of privileged in society. Even Bhaskar who starts his career as an idealist of the liberal system, questions the claims of law which leads to acquitting the real culprits and devastation of the innocent. 

• CASTE AND IDENTITY
  
  I mainly focused on this aspect. Dusanes ambivalence towards the case despite his low-caste birth it disturbed me the most. The main point i put forward was:
  

  Dusane, in my view, can be seen as a ‘successful product’ of the Liberal Democratic state where while he uses the appropriate language of ‘rights and liberty’ in the court of Law and even in his personal talks, yet he fails to run away from the constant shadow of his low-caste origin.  It is a perfect example of the negative result of upward mobility where the tribal man now holds his precarious position of power with a sense of empowerment but is under pressure to constantly prove his worth by more strenuously following the rules and values of the Liberal state.(focus on 'ultra-rationalist' tendency)
  While those power-holders ultimately use social instead of secular authority against Lahanya and the Tribal population, the crime has to be proved or defended through legal and rational procedures. 
  
  
• HOPELESSNESS AND DESPAIR – HUMILIATION
  -The representation of two females as objects of lust and domination is a hard hitting real imagery.
  - When her husband Lahanya shows resistance, the forest contractor and his allies teach him a lesson by raping and finally killing his wife. Further his sister is shown as working for the same contractor and vulnerable to his actions. Lahanya does not speak in the course of the trial, perhaps out of fear of what may happen to his sister. The film potently presents the silent pervasive conspiracy of the power elites who prevent the vulnerable groups from raising their voice to gain any Justice. In the end, Lahanya knows that his sister is alone in the World with no one to protect her from the predatory gaze of the Contractor. He then raises his axe, not to kill the perpetrators of his oppression, but to chop off his sisters head. The stunning single act epitomises in one stroke the utter hopelessness of his existence in a cruel oppressive system where only death can be liberating. Nihalini presents that this hopelessness (reinforced by the occasional ‘drunkenness’ of the tribe which is viewed as ‘lazy’ by outsiders) is not out of weakness or complacency but a result of a resigned impotence towards the incestuous union of Wealth, power and authority and simultaneous silencing and systematic intimidation if the under-privileged groups. Ultimately, it is this dehumanisation and the resultant humiliation that propels Lahanyas act- a desperate act borne not out of misplaced anger or revenge but a tragic sense of merciful liberation from what he realises as an unending cycle of corruption and oppression. Here violence perpetrates violence not to seek revenge but as a last resort to avoid humiliation.
• VALUE OF LIFE
  An Ironic image in the movie disturbed me the most: in a scene where Bhaskar is reading about the killing of a Tribal women in the Newspaper, the Radio news in the background says that Vinoba Bhave is going to protest against cow slaughter. The scene was a beauty of subtlety : where the harsh truth that the value of a tribal women’s life does not guarantee any shock or protest while any religious issue becomes important enough to propel the leaders and people to action.
  
  So, I have put forward some of the themes through which i have analysed the film.The other themes included sexuality, alternative space/Marxism etc.  I think, as my first attempt to 'semi-intellectualize' a film, it was a good effort. Of course, my grades are still not out, so still no clue as to how 'deep' my analysis is. But it was surprisingly a good practice of what i was talking about in my earlier post- a practice in originality. Well, as much as i could, i suppose. There are a few citations, but i haven't put them here in my post.
  I just may do another movie this summer. 

where Originality has no points, Imagination is stunted & Plagiarism is the everyday apple.

I have always believed my writing to be average and my thoughts to be above-average, if not extra-ordinary. There is however, always a quality gap between my words and my thoughts.The problem of translating abstract, messy thoughts into precise, succinct words is one that most of us face. I blame it squarely on our poor quality, marks-obsessed, rote-learning based Education System.

Do you remember the first time we were told to write a five-liner on 'My Mother' and we were dictated the usual, also very sexist words to copy down- "my mother cooks, cleans, washes .....",essentially, she is a glorified maid. And i cannot forget the way my parents hoarded the " best" essay books in both Hindi and English. Anytime we were given an essay to write, we picked up the fanciest piece we could find, and wrote it down. The 'quotes' are given extra-marks. The only thing original was perhaps the writing down part, and the one-line introduction. The teachers knew we copied it, our parents encouraged us to copy it and we were only too happy to do so if only to get the best marks possible.
Plagiarism is an everyday practice in our country, taught to us in school and it makes us experts to avoid detection in college. The best college however expects you to come up with 'original' writings- as if we can just wash our hands off years of easy work. Most of our academic journals publish expert-level plagiarized work. If those are not your own thoughts, you cannot claim them as your own work. This is the reason why as academicians or writers we are so far behind in the World. The 'Jugaad' trait  is so inherent, its nearly impossible for us to get ourselves out from under its weight. We cannot write a paragraph on our version of 'Diwali' without Googling it. There is zero impulse or adventurism in us to just pick up a pen and put down our musings into command. The capability is lost under the pressure of excelling in whatever field we are pushed into. Our imagination is stunted and allowed to move on the freely-given crutches of plagiarism.
The first time I tried to come up with something original- it ended up being paraphrased. Today, at least my academic writing has improved enough that i can sit back and not be scared of the international Plagiarism standards. My non-academic writings however, (as the present post indicates), is at least original if still below-average in quality. There is a huge thought-words gap left to be bridged.
The key, i have learnt, is to practice being average in writing to get top marks in originality. I got an amazing Acdemic Mentor (Dr. Shefali Jha) in my Masters who encouraged me to have the courage to write down my own thoughts in my academic paper and while the result wasn't flawless, it satisfies me. It was my own product.
This blog started out as a way to just pin-down my thoughts and i have tried to be regular in the past year. Most of it is filled with terrible language errors and the everyday musings of a lost, jobless student. But it has helped me give a non-evaluative, judgement-free space for my words to express my inner monologue and its Random Thoughts. :)
Good Night!

3 CRAZY-BROKE GIRLS, A HALF-COCKED PLAN AND A BUS TO MANALI

Me and my two lazy friends (Devina & Manpreet) decided to go to a Hill-Station for a cool, calm, relaxed vacation after our 2nd year college end-term exams. This was when we were still in our graduation class in LSR, cribbing about compulsory attendance and life in general. We actually did go for that trip this summer- at the end of our Post-Graduation, still continuing that cribbing about life and the heat of the summer.
 Did I mention our laziness in planning and actualizing our plans into reality? Let’s just say,  the almost 4 day trip was a great learning experience, where the 1st lesson we learnt was that Planning did involve more than a booking to ensure a bed under a solid roof and getting to know major tourist places from a 10 minute google search.
The plan itself was last minute. I talked to my dad and asked him to book a room in 'any damn hill station' he could find a decent reservation in, considering the peak tourist period and our last minute resolve to just go for it. It was on Wednesday (27th May) that we were sure that it was Manali that we were going to go, and the staying arrangement was made for the weekend- 29th, 30th, 31st and the 1st. Before anything else could get cancelled for any reason my friends could come up with (and they could come up with a lot!), I booked an overnight AC Volvo HRTC bus ticket for the 28th evening (6:30 P.M)

DOs- Always plan a trip at least a week prior to it. Last minute travel arrangements to a hill-station with a cool temperature (that requires you to search for coats, gloves and that cute pink jacket you packed in some mysterious trunk that would look cute in pictures) may lead to panic, particularly if you are planning to go directly from your hostel. Washing them and drying them and packing them may again involve a lot of four-letter word swearing.
DON'Ts- Do not trust your fellow mates to get you that coffee-bite you like a lot. Always take care of your own travel- eateries. 

The HRTC bus is a little costlier than other private buses, but reliable. We packed (all our chips, biscuits and the mush necessary pack of Avomin) and got ready for our 14 hour ride to Manali and the bus (comfortable semi-sleeper seats) started at the right time from Mandi House, Himachal Bhawan.

DOs- It doesn’t matter if you have a strong stomach or not. Take that tablet of Avomin if you want to survive that twisty hilly badly-maintained road to Manali.
Also, take your playlist with you if you don’t want to hear that fluffy, lovey-dovey life-history based conversation of the couple sitting behind you.

We stopped at two major places- Ambala for dinner and Mandi for morning tea. The bus dropped us at Manali, Main Market at around 9, where we got our 1^st learning experience- Always make sure if there is a taxi strike in the place you wish to travel. We got down, tired from the long travel, to find no wheels around us. The coolie’s were demanding an obnoxious amount. So there we decided to carry all our luggage and walk around 4-5 Kms to Vashisht. We also found out that everything was closed that day and so we settled in the room after a long, hot bath and lunch. Then we decided to walk around till the Main Market.  We spent some time sitting on a rock, our feet in the freaking-cold water of River Beas, ‘contemplating’ about life. And clicking pictures of each other pretend- contemplating. Also, selfies. :P


DAY 2: The strike was over by them (Thank God). Took an Auto to the Hidimba Devi Temple. The auto vallah will over-charge you and being a tourist you will end up paying whatever he charges you. So no point getting outraged when you see a local paying half of what you paid up.

The Hidimba temple welcomes you with Rabbits and Yaks, each of which, as a tourist you are expected to click a picture with. The Temple itself is beautiful but it’s better to visit early or it gets too crowded. There is also a small Ghatotkacha temple nearby.

We then took a local bus from the main market to Naggar (took around an hour and 30 bucks, with a background of honey singh music played by the driver). It drops you to a market from where there we walked around half a Km of steep hilly distance to reach the Naggar castle. It’s a beautiful place. (Just with not a very hygienic bathroom, but peeing is a human necessity- so close all your senses and do your thing)
We mostly ate our meals back in our rest house, but for lunch that day we decided to eat at the much-heard about Chopsticks- a Chinese place in the Main market. The food was tasty (not much to write about though) and not very costly.

We decided to book a Taxi to Rohtang Pass that we had to visit the next day. Due to some changes brought about by the NGT, the number of cars allowed to go were limited to a 1000, due to which the driver advised us to start the journey at 1:30 in the morning. So we did not have much time to sleep, and we packed up with woolen scarfs and caps for it.

DAY 3:
DOs- Rohtang Pass is crazy cold. Wear woolen inners before starting the journey. When you buy the much-needed jumpers and boots, do it over your coat. Make sure that everything is comfortable because the reality of snow is very different from that movie one. Also, Pee before you go.
Avomin again.

So the car stopped at a point, and there were around 200 cars ahead of us and god knows how many behind us. The window much ahead was to open around 6 and so the driver told us to sleep in that very-small too cramped- to- rest car. The urge to pee made all 3 of us to somehow walk in those uncomfortable boots up the hill, to look for a tree, at around 3:30 in the morning. That was not funny.
In the morning, we got in the line for the go-ahead slip after showing the R.C. and pollution-free certificate of the car.
 Advice: Click pictures on the way to the Pass. Coming back, you will be too tired to stop anywhere. The view is spectacular. Rohtang Pass itself is beautiful (and cold!). 

We also visited Solang Valley where you will get very expensive food. The Gol-Gappas are cheap and worth trying though. We were too tired to do anything, but you can enjoy the ropeway, paragliding or Zorbing.

DAY 4: We had no concrete plans of how we would return to Delhi, except for a Shatabdi train ticket the next day from Chandigarh. We made the mistake of not properly acquiring information on how to reach Chandigarh from Manali. We ended up taking a local bus from Manali that took almost 14-15 hrs to reach Chandigarh. Murphy’s Law was in full force: we suffered through bad roads, a tyre puncture in the middle of nowhere, water getting splashed on us as we waited by the side of the road for the tyre to be replaced, bad bathrooms, worst seats with no leg space, luggage-paranoia (that needs to be explained in a separate post!).
As if that was not enough, when we did reach our rest-house in Chandigarh, the room wasn’t booked. After waking up people all around at 3 in the morning, we finally got a room where we took a bath to cleanse ourselves from the solid and liquid particles stuck on us. We stunk.

The Shatabdi train stops for 5 min and we got in at the last minute at 6:50 A.M; the ticket was with Manpreet in her phone- well, she dropped her phone in water, so we were going on no ticket. Thankfully, we got the PNR number and ‘print ticket’ version on Devina’s cracked-screen phone. It was an experience, as I said before.

We slept so deeply- I think we looked like drug addicts with drool coming out of our open-mouth expressions. The guy sitting beside me was telling me about his Jewellery business and he told me later that I apparently slept off in between the conversation.
We reached Delhi around 10:30 in the morning, tired and almost ready to drop.

But now that 2 days have passed where I have done nothing but sleep and eat, I can say that the trip was a success. No one died, nothing got lost (except my earphone). And maybe now we can ‘plan’ to go to a new place that probably will translate into reality after 2 years. :)